2/11/2009
I am here... not in a good mood... and this time it's not because of friends or anything..
It's just me...
I'm 18 going 19 in another 3 months..
Having thoughts of cutting myself with a blade doesn't seem right..
C'mon.. I'm still studying but the thoughts of not living is kinda funny..
And.. Don't come asking me what's wrong with me..
I won't even bother answering you..
If I feel like telling you.. you are definitely someone I really can trust..
But to tell you all the truth.. Not many made it into the list..
I really like talking and also listening..
I had been listening to a lot of people..
Problems.. Issues.. Sad stories.. Happy stories.. this and that, this and that..
It's like what we say.. a boost to stay alive happily now..
Learn from your own mistakes..
Not leaving out what we can learn from the others also..
Was happy that I was able to share some of my stuffs with someone..
Lifted up some of my stress but not all of it..
Why can't the pain just be gone..
A star should always be shining brightly..
But..
This time is very much different..
This Star of Stars is losing his touch already...
From always a happy go lucky guy..
Now..
It's like What's the point of being here at this very moment..
I know I still have my family by my side every time..
I know I still have a lousy brother at home..
That I could sometimes release my stress on him..
I know I still have great friends..
Friends who I can trust..
Friends who I can talk to..
Friends who I can enjoy myself..
But all of this are just hopes that I hope for at this very moment..
6/11/2009
Okay okay..
Besides cutting myself with a blade..
Maybe I'll consider jumping off a building..
Considering that my university has lots of tall buildings..
While in the air...
I'll try screaming my lungs out...
Expressing myself through the most barbaric way..
Anyone care to join me??
If you don't want to join me also I don't mind..
Just come by and see me jump..
That would be a moment of a life time for you to see someone jumping off a building..
So anyone up for it??
I'm inviting all of you...
I may even sign autographs for you..
Wei.. The Star is falling off a building..
I know you wouldn't want to miss anything.. would you???
9/11/2009
Anyways..
This post is a post where I just type about what comes into my mind..
Honestly all these things I wrote and will be writing..
Are not done in one day..
I’ve been with this thing for the past few weeks..
WEEKS???
Yup.. Sometimes only 2 lines a day..
Just to voice out what was on my mind at that particular moment..
And now I’m here continuing….
After the whole long thing about trust…
Suddenly I have all sorts of thought…
I have a whole lot of friends…
Friends I love…
Friends I hate…
Friends I admire…
Friends I envy…
Friends I judged…
Friends I missed…
Friends I study with…
Friends I play with…
Friends I gossip with…
Friends I disturbed…
Friends I can never forget…
Friends I look for when I’m in trouble…
Friends I talk to…
Friends I fight with…
Friends I cursed… (Please don’t be in here will you???)
Friends I mess with…
Friends I do not know their name but know mine…
Friends I want make friends but they don’t want to…
Friends I think they like me…
Friends I know they hate me…
Friends I cannot TRUST…
Friends I hope that I can TRUST…
Friends I know that I can TRUST…
And I think that’s what I can think of FRIENDS at this moment…
Sometimes they might be irritating…
Sometimes they might be fun…
Sometimes they might be angry..
Sometimes they might be sad..
Sometimes they might be happy…
But one thing’s for sure…
Is that... Sometimes they might hurt you…
BEWARE…
13/11/2009
About my previous posting about trust…
Suddenly I only realized that was I doing the right thing???
Should I have posted that topic???
Was it appropriate??
Was I too harsh on the things I said??
Is it fair for that person??
Does that person have other reasons for his doings??
I might have overlooked…
Overlooked something very important…
Something that is even more important than trust…
The word trust has to fall behind…
It is the word RESPECT…
It was silly of me to not think properly and…
To just let my emotions overcome me…
How silly was that…
I only realized that when my own lecturer was blabbering about respect…
Thank you very much…
Even when I really don’t understand what are you teaching in class all the time…
Sorry to say that… but your class still is okay la….
Actually I’m going to have my Thinking Skill test in another half an hour…
I’m still in my room.. Suddenly thought of the whole thing again..
That’s why I’m here writing this out…
Had my Programming test last night…
Was okay… not really difficult.. BUT just silly mistakes…
HAHAHA….
If you ask me now whether ~ Are you over with all the problems you have??~
I’ll still answer you something that is similar with the feelings that I had on the 1st day… I’m still actually holding the whole feelings now.. but only lesser…
4.21 pm states the time now…
Going to have my test at 5 later…
Later on I will definitely release all the stress I have…
Hahahah…
Lesson of the day…
RESPECT YOURSELF TO RESPECT THE OTHERS SO THAT THEY CAN RESPECT YOU TOO…
18/11/2009
Its Tuesday…
I’m at home actually…
I think I’m gonna post this up right after I’m finished with this…
Like what my good friend Acap Blur always say..
I’m actually sitting here in front of my laptop thinking of my future…
(It means dreaming… not really thinking about the future actually..)
I think I’m slowly forgetting the incident…
I wanna forget about that…
I really don’t want to remember what actually happened…
Initially I thought that I was able to deal with my temper wisely like always…
In the end…
I had a system breakdown…
I didn’t cry la.. huhuhu….
I just let everything out…
Promises… Trusts… Manipulating… Lies… Believes… Friendships… Respects…
These 7 words are really driving people nuts…
Especially when you are in a university with a lot of people…
A lot of group works being conducted and all…
Being together…
A lot of things should be reconsidered and definitely sacrifices are to be made…
Universiti Teknologi Petronas…
A place where I meet new people with new kinds of behaviors and attitudes…
I had to be part of them to be with them…
Being alone is also possible for me…
But why not choose being with friends…
They might tick you off at some point…
But what are friends for??
They are there to cheer you up definitely…Hopefully…
Like what my friend said…
I had been blending in with a lot of people…
That’s what I do there…
I know a lot of people there… and hopefully they know me…
At least later on when we need each other to do stuffs together…
We wouldn’t feel awkward…
Don’t you agree with me...
Those 7 words I stated above…
7 strong words…
I am trying to master all those 7…
But I will definitely not sing ‘7 Things’ by Miley Cyrus…
Only my roommate will do that… hahaha….
To those who donno who’s my roommate…
His number one feature is that he looks like Miley Cyrus…
Just take Miley Cyrus… And imagine her with a guy’s haircut…
That will be my roommate… hahahaha…
Hopefully he reads this… lolz….
Just got myself a cup of Nescafe…
Now I think that’s all that I’m going to write about…
I’m feeling kinda okay already after this whole writing…
I’m hoping for the best…
And I hope the best for you too…
Problems can be solved…
It’s up to you whether you want to solve it or not…
Do not try and run away from your problems…
Face them… If you don’t, they will haunt you forever…
Not to say haunt la…
But facing them is always better than running away from them…
A piece of advice from the Star of Stars…
We will always deal with a whole lot of problems…
It’s just the matter of whether you want to solve it or not…
I’ve learnt a lot from the mistakes I’ve done…
And always questioning whether life is fair or not…
Now I’m learning…
There’s no fair or unfair in life…
It’s just how you think of your life…
Always think of having a happy life…
Then there’s no fair or unfair in life…
To have a happy life…
You have to have the power of acceptance…
Accepting what you have at the moment…
Is one way to be happy…
Not all rich people are happy…
People who are poor but accept what they have…
Can also lead them to even a happier life…
That’s the Power of Acceptance…
I might not be good at it but I’m always trying my best to do so…
Here I want to say thank you to Andrew Matthews (if I spelt your name correctly..)
The books he wrote somehow showed that sometimes happiness is just right in front of us… Its only how are we supposed to have the happiness…
Thanks to those people also who came late for the gathering which made me be at the bookstore and ended up reading these books…
The Star of Stars…
Calvin Yong…
Hopes for the best to all readers…
With lots of love…
I’m signing off…
Dear Calvin,
ReplyDeleteWhatever you said here is damn fucking right!! Haha. Oh no, did I just swore? Forgive me then. haha.
Yes, I agree, don't run away from your problem. And also, not to forget, don't hide your problems. Sometimes, sharing the problems of course with the ones you trust can help you solving them. You might want to get advice from them or perhaps just someone to listen to your rambles to at least release the tension that had been haunting you. So, go find someone you think you can share everything with. It might be someone you've known for quite awhile or maybe someone you just known. As long as that someone is trustworthy enough that he/she might carry all your secrets and problems that you shared to the grave. Haha.
And...
I miss you and your Miley Cyrus lookalike room mate. Let's go out and have a drink sometime.
Man, we haven't spoke for quite awhile. Please go online YM. I haven't seen you online for ages.
Did I just beat Remon for this comment?? Haha.
With lots of love, (rofl)
Hajar. :)
And one more thing, throw away your thought of jumping from any building please. You might want to kumpul some pennies and let's all go for bungee jumping or perhaps the balloon thingy that'll let you fly yang selalu we see kat pantai itu. Okay??
ReplyDeleteTake care Calvin.
And remember, you are not alone and not only you experience this sort of things now. There are plenty more who are now struggling like you are. PLEASE DON'T KILL YOURSELF OVER THIS. Life is just a piece of white paper or cloth. It's up to you to colour it. It may be as colourful as a rainbow or as dark as the night without the star and the moon. Choose, whichever you want and I do hope you choose the first one.
Oh no, I might end up with a new post just to comment on this.
I better stop now.
:)
wei..whatever happens
ReplyDeleteu'll always be my fren..